good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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