ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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