Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
