In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
