There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
