your parents love me but you hate me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize