you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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