The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
