Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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