That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
