It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
