in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
