Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
