she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
