Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize