I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
