if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
