dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
