I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
