So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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