did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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