There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
