Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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