What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
