This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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