STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
