Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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