this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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