The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
