stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
