Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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