We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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