i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
