Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize