I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
