True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
