The maid of honor just puked.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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