Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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