just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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