If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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