Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
