I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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