My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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