I'm going to jail i love you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
