Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
worst night to have a conscience
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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