Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
