i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
