I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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