I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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