her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
