I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
