CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
