why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
