Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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