I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
