You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
