Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
