Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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