I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
