wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
