Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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