Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
