Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
