Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
