I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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