i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
