Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
