i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
