I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
