if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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