I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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