first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize