so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
