There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
