If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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