im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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