Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
