Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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