You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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