Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
