Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
