I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
