How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
